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Reducing the Sting of Arguments During Divorce

Posted on in Divorce

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Divorcing parents are going to argue. To state otherwise would be naive and foolish let's be real, I'm positive even Bruce and Demi have some heated arguments while not smiling on the red carpet with new spouses half-their-age. But we can also all probably agree that minimizing disagreements is in the best interest of the family unit as a whole.

Here are some tips:

  • Do it in private. Not in front of the children, not in front of grandparents, and absolutely not on social media. No snarky status updates, no hurtful tweets, and no sarcastic comments made to the children in the absence of the other parent.
  • Do not antagonize. Watch what language you use ("our kids," not "my kids," and even the word "home" - because the children likely now have two homes - one with Mom and one with Dad).
  • Discuss the issues when both of you are calm, not in the heat of the moment.
  • Let the other parent speak.
  • Try emails, and even texts, if conversations are too volatile. But be careful - often the written word cannot convey tone.
  • Be willing to compromise and give options - do not
    stick with your one position and refuse to move from it .that is often a simple act of stubbornness rather than rational thinking about what is best for the children.
  • Talk about facts, not about who is to blame.

And, as with most things in life, time will help. You can't expect that either of you will be able to argue fairly at the onset of divorce; if both parents are willing to learn and better themselves, it should get easier.

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