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But My Cildren NEED to Know!

  • All that your children need to know before, during and after a divorce is that they are safe and loved, that the divorce was not their fault and that, with time, their lives will normalize.  Your children do NOT need to know that mommy/daddy have a new love interest which is breaking up the family, or who is at fault for the divorce. Keep your children as oblivious to the divorce process as possible; it will keep them young and healthy a lot longer. It is important to act as a united front for your children. If your spouse doesn’t share this philosophy of parenting, then be sure to let your kids know how much you love them; never lower yourself to your spouse’s level by belittling your spouse to your children.  The bottom line is that your children know mommy and daddy are both a part of them, and it is detrimental to their well-being to hear negativity about one of their parents.  They will likely take it out on you if you start bad-mouthing the other parent.

I Just Want to Tell the JUDGE!

  • The Judge in your case does not need to know that your spouse is going through a mid-life crisis. So many clients come to us and say, “We need to tell the judge that this isn’t normal behavior for my husband/wife. We need to tell the judge how strange he/she is acting – going out all night, putting more effort into his/her appearance, making new friends, etc.  I just want to talk to the Judge.
  • In custody cases, some of this information may be relevant to the Court.  Some.  Definitely not all.  And, a litigant cannot address the Court.  The only way to bring information in front of the Court is by proper Petition, and thereafter, testimony and argument.
  • In financial matters, most of this information is irrelevant and inadmissible in Court.  Most divorces are ultimately settled by the parties coming to an agreement regarding all of their financial matters. In those instances, the court reviews the agreements to make sure they are fair and conscionable and approves them. If you can’t settle, then your case will go to trial where the judge will decide how your assets and debts are divided. Even during trial, the court only cares to hear evidence relevant to the separation of assets and debt, and fault of either party is not taken into consideration.  If you feel like you need to talk to someone about your spouse’s behavior, and you probably do, you should seek out a friend or a counselor. Court is not the appropriate outlet.

Well, MY Attorney Said.

  • Don’t talk to your friends, your spouse, or your coworkers about your conversations with your attorney.  You have an attorney-client privilege which covers communications you have, written and oral, with your attorney. Do not jeopardize that by being too liberal in the information you choose to share with those around you.

The bottom line is that although it may not be easy, it will behoove you to keep largely quiet during the divorce process.  Give us a call at 847-426-1866 or visit us at to discuss what you should be and what you should not be sharing if you are in this situation.